School sex ed

On September 20, the so-called “1 Million March 4 Children” marches occurred across most major cities in Canada. Their stated aim is to “prevent children from premature sexualization and potential harmful indoctrination”. 

When the Prime Minister stated that “Transphobia, homophobia, and biphobia have no place in this country”, the Leader of the Opposition replied that this statement “demonized concerned parents”.

For those of us who grew up when LGBTQ people did not have protected human rights, hearing from Poilievre that we shouldn’t demonize those who hate gay people feels horrific. Political polarization, defined as ideology that prompts individuals to engage in terrorism against outgroups and other demonized targets, is linked to increased domestic terrorism. LGBTQ Canadians are already three times more likely to report that they have been assaulted compared to straight people (StatsCan 2018). When Canadian politicians say that LGBTQ people want to harm your children, they put LGBTQ people and their allies at even greater risk.

There has always been a segment of society who deeply fear anything different, and react with disgust and hate. The die-hard protesters have strongly authoritarian views and no tolerance for different opinions or experiences. Nazi flags were seen at these marches, people were wearing 3 Percenter hats (a terrorist group), and Christian Nationalist flags associated with the KKK were flown. Media photos show children at these protests holding signs that say “I belong to my parents”. 

In the dictionary, “belong to” equates to “ownership of”. In Canada, we don’t own people. In Canada, we like to believe that we celebrate diversity. In Canada, we were the 3rd country in the world to legalize gay marriage in 2005 because we knew that love means love. 78% of Canadians believe that transgender people should be protected from discrimination in employment, housing, and access to businesses (Gallop 2023). I don’t think Canadians want to live in an environment where there is open or even covert homophobia and transphobia.

 What worries me more than the die-hard minority that join hate groups, are the folks who honestly care about kids and worry that the curriculum isn’t safe. They are the people who will unintentionally enable politicians to dismantle human rights in Canada. We’re seeing it happen across the United States, where politicians are denying healthcare and other services to women and LGBTQ people. If you earnestly want to help kids, perhaps allying with Nazis and religious extremists is not the way to accomplish that. 

Let’s go through some of the most common concerns. 

Parents are worried that educators are talking about sex before kids are interested in sex. The Ontario curriculum doesn’t get into STIs and contraception until Grade 8. When I was growing up, my neighbour was pregnant in Grade 8, so I feel like that actually may be too late for some kids. I want you to think back though, to when you had your first crush. When did you first doodle some other kid’s name in your notebook? It was likely before high school, maybe before middle school! Discussions about sexual orientation should happen in middle school, as that’s developmentally appropriate for the majority of kids.

In Ontario, grade 8 kids learn that the Ontario Human Rights Code states that we cannot discriminate against people because of gender identity, gender expression, or sexual orientation. The curriculum teaches these definitions.

A colleague of mine was worried that the curriculum teaches about sexual orientation, because “he doesn’t believe in that”. I told him that LGBTQ people have existed in every place across history, and if he doesn’t see them in his culture it’s because they’ve left the community or died. If we love our children, and they happen to be born gay, are those the outcomes we wish for them?

The other time that sexual orientation is mentioned is in the preparation for the unit on Self-Concept in Grade 5. It is mentioned as one of many traits that people sometimes feel might define them like race, religion or nationality. You remember this unit, it’s the one where you write a terrible poem. Your poem probably went something like this:

I am…

An extrovert…. But I like to be alone

A cat person….. But I love to pet dogs

A good friend ….. But I can be mean sometimes.

Canadian…. But I don’t live in an igloo.

A dancer…. But I love to play soccer.

Educators have a lot of material to cover in the school year, and most of them are just as uncomfortable discussing sexual health as you are. My kids felt that the public school health curriculum barely covered the basics, let alone LGBTQ issues. Parents really don’t have to worry that their kids are getting too much sex ed. The opposite is true.

Parents are worried that educators are telling children to keep secrets from their parents. That would be a major concern! As we teach in comprehensive sex ed, adults should never ask children to keep secrets. It’s not safe or appropriate. Another thing that we teach in comprehensive sex ed is that it’s not okay to “out” someone without their consent. Coming out about one’s sexuality can be a safety risk at any age, but especially at an age when you’re dependent on others for food and shelter. 

If you’re a loving parent, your kids will share their true selves with you in time, but sometimes they need to try an identity with their peers before they make it real by telling you. I think for many loving parents, this worry about teachers withholding information from them is a failure of imagination. They want to believe that every family is a safe place like theirs. We know that up to 40% of homeless kids in Canada are LGBTQ+. Those kids weren’t safe at home. Let them be safe a school for a little longer.

The Canadian Index of Wellbeing defines Canadian values as fairness, inclusion, safety, diversity, equity, democracy, sustainability and economic security. Fear of the unknown or unfamiliar can make you act against your own guiding principles. I encourage you to talk to the LGBTQ people in your lives about their childhoods and family challenges or supports. If you don’t know any LGBTQ people, there is lots of good content on the PFLAG and Trevor Project YouTube channels. 

Kahlil Gibran wrote about the awesome power of unconditional love for your children:

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.